The Worst News Ever...

Today we received the worst news. Betty from FTIA contacted me via e-mail to inform me that their Beijing office had news on the twins...and it wasn't good news for us. According to the Beijing staff, both children had been categorized as healthy & normal (i.e. Ming's heart condition completely healed and Liang also completely recovered from his hernia operation). Because the boys were healthy in spite of being preemies, they could no longer be considered Special Needs, therefore the orphanage could not request that the CCAA refer their files to FTIA or us.

My heart sank. I started shaking and felt as if I had been sucker-punched because all the air escaped from my lungs. I found it almost impossible to hold back the tears. Why??!

Betty felt just awful breaking the news to us. Amy Eldridge also expressed her surprise, dismay and sadness for us. She said that the orphanage director specifically contacted her to find a family for these boys because she was so fond of them.

Betty and I exchanged a few e-mails, but to be honest, I was feeling so numb by this news, that I found it difficult to concentrate on anything. It didn't help that my boss pulled me into a private meeting right after I received the e-mail from Betty to discuss some craziness that was happening with an offer situation. I pretty much lost it and he thought I was upset about work related things. I had to explain that my tears had nothing to do with the office - - it was personal and I wasn't comfortable discussing it. I eventually pulled myself together - but it wasn't easy.

This entire year (so far) has been so ridiculously challenging! We've had to deal with our leaky roof and damaged kitchen ceiling. We've had to deal with identity theft, banks, cops, investigators and a HUGE disruption of our lives because of that (cancelled accounts, debit cards, credit cards, etc.). Last Thursday, Michael went for a follow up visit for his legs - - continued varicose vein treatments - - and the doctor found a blood clot. He immediately sent Michael to the hospital where I met him. He had to take some additional tests. The hospital confirmed the clot and, luckily, after consulting with three different doctors, allowed him to go home rather than be admitted. This could be quite serious! (It could kill him if it dislodged and traveled to his lungs, heart or brain!) We had to go on an odyessy that night to three different pharmacies to get the special meds he needed to start that night, including some that needed to be injected (don't get me started on why we had to go to three pharmacies!!). Michael's been back to the doctor four time since then (they have him going every other day to monitor his blood). Our doctor confirmed that the clot was "major" and needed to be watched. Michael may be on the meds for up to six months! And...one of the meds is a mild form of rat poison! Geez! As of now, I am calling him my human pin cushion.

I also had an incident last Friday when someone called our home (Michael was home that day per his boss' suggestion) claiming to be a collection agency. They claimed that I owed money and they were completely rude! I immediately feared that my identity was stolen and someone was applying for credit cards in my name. I did some research on the phone number and made the call to another rude individual who accused me of being delinquent on payments. The fact is...I don't owe anyone and I had never even owned the particular credit card they were calling about. I have no idea how they got my information (they referred to me as Kristine Roth) , but they had the wrong address, the wrong SS# and the wrong phone numbers. After I confirmed that none of the info was correct, they didn't even apologize!

All of this and a difficult time with my business because of the awful economy! To get the news about the twins today - - well, it just about put me over the edge. I cried the entire drive home.

Last night I pulled up the boys' photo again and just anticipated meeting them, having them in our home and loving them for the rest of my life. I've spent so much time anticipating getting some news this month - - that their files had been moved to the CCAA. I didn't count on being crushed.

I don't know what we'll do now. I'm still trying absorb all of this, but my heart is just aching.